Mental Health Hotline

~*^All Hail The Princess^*~

Courtesy of Hns:
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no-one will answer.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 9.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please wait and leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have short term memory loss, please press 0.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.